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| Hey everybody, it's been a fun five years, but it's time to move on. I'll probably keep a couple of entries up for a while longer, but for the most part everything here's gonna go the way of the buffalo. How many of you are left, anyway?
You can still find me flying around the interweb, though:
For my musical teachings: LIKE A FAT KID LOVES CAKE.
For more asinine fun: NOCHY'S NEW HOUSE.
And for live chat: MY 900 NUMBER (need a credit card and must be over 18).
Me love you all long time. 
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| Say hello to my impulse buy:
That's right... It's a HiBis.
That's not all. I plan on making some more major purchases this summer, not because I'm rollin' in the cash-money mind you, but because... wait for it... Costco's member passport... to SAVINGS!!!
Raise the roof.
Keep your hands in the air while you're reading this so you can feel as excited as I do.
Eight dollars off a 24-pack of Red Bull! Half off noise-canceling headphones! An average of $400 savings on HDTV's! All this and great deals off pork chops and socks, which you know I'm ALL over, lovingly spread out through the entire summer!
And, that, my friends, will probably be the most entertaining coupon entry you'll ever read. You can put your hands down now.
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| "Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
So am I."
As expected, guitar practice for the engagement party on Sunday turned into bar night until 2 am. We were listening to Loveline, and Adrian's response to a caller's inquiry about rectal bleeding from anal sex was, "Man, just slap some toothpaste on it." It was a loooong night.
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| If your coworker asks a question and addresses the person to whom the question is directed as "slamcock," DO NOT LOOK UP, no matter how curious you are as to whom he/she is referring.
If you just can't resist and do happen to look up, be prepared for an onslaught of sophomoric insults. No matter what your coworkers say, in order to swiftly douse the proverbial fire, say, "How did you know that was my nickname in college?" Conversation. Over.
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